One of the challenges about being new parents is reconciling your old life to your new one.
There are, of course, several sacrifices couples have to make when they suddenly realise that it’s not just the two of them anymore. So many things change. Roles become more contrasted–one half of the couple becomes the primary carer while the other becomes the sole provider. Responsibilities become more daunting. Relaxation becomes a thing of the past.
We received a funny card when she was born that said it all: Babies change everything…. except their own nappies.
When Aeyen was born, R and I welcomed these changes. But we also wanted to draw the line. We agreed that we would try hard to make her fit into our life and not the other way around. She was the newcomer and we wanted for her to be ‘trained’ to fit our lifestyle. I have seen so many new parents who turn their lives completely upside down when their babies arrive that their new life bears no resemblance to what was there before.
That was something we knew we didn’t want. We wanted compromise. We knew we can include her in most of the things that we enjoyed doing.
This is why we have intentionally taken her on holidays. Travel was such a huge part of our lifestyle and we didn’t want to stop because she came along. We took her on long flights and long drives. We made sure she was used to sleeping in places other than her cot. We let her experience discomfort when we had to change her nappy on the passenger seat in the car or on my lap in the middle of the woods. We bundled her up and took her on long walks. We got her used to being washed in a hotel sink.
Going out was another thing that we did best when it was just me and him. We used to go to swanky restaurants on our own or with friends in Tokyo. And that all changed when we moved here. Suddenly, we just couldn’t go out anymore. For a long time, we commiserated our lack of social life. But thankfully, that has also changed. Becoming friends with other couples who also have babies has been the turning point. Instead of going out to restaurants, we bring the restaurant to our own homes. With babies-in-pyjamas in tow, we meet at our homes for nice dinners. We ‘go out’ whilst the babies are asleep (at least we hope they are!) in the other room.
It’s tricky, but you can still have your old life even with a baby.
For new parents, change will always be a big and scary notion . But thanks to this nifty little thing called compromise, you don’t need to dread it as much.
i love this post!
i have always been wondering how couples adjust to a new addition in the family, with all the resposibilities added on top of it. it scares me off, really, i doubt if i can pull it off with motherhood, without affecting my wifely duties to my husband.
this is very inspiring, i look forward to more posts like this!
I won’t lie and say it’s easy. It is quite tough and you do have to compromise some of your time together. It is hard if you expect things to be the same, because they just won’t be. But if you go into it knowing that things will be different, it’s a bit easier to stomach.
hehe, right, no rose-colored glasses approach will work i suppose. but then again, what an abundance of loving is added too at the same time! you’re bitten-smitten yourself, so that says a lot.
Yeah having a baby completely changes your social dynamics. Its really a challenge when you don’t have other mom friends to go out with. I still don’t know how Marchesa does it, and she does it pretty well considering how much Emma has evolved over the years
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Maybe its time for a second one?
The second one would just have to wait as I am so not ready for another one just yet. What about you, K.P., ready for #2?
You have a FABULOUS blog, Beth!!!
Thanks for stopping by mine. 
We are actively praying for it. We are going to try this year. Exciting and scary times. Enjoy your time with Aeyen, your time is split with Richard already as it is. Regards to the family
Thanks, K.P.! Wow, number 2 for you!
Hello there. I found your site through TinTin’s pinaymommy. I really agree with you about trying to fit your kid into your lifestyle. I refuse to give up ALL the things we enjoyed as a couple. Our son is used to travel as well (though not as much as you guys do) and I’ve changed him quite a few times on the passenger seat/driver seat and even in the Jeep’s trunk. hahaha… Nice to see another new mommy online.
Hello Lissa! Thanks for visiting! I really like your blog!
i agree completely. they say babies change everything and i see the wisdom in that, however if you eschew everything about your old lifestyle, you may end up resenting it right? hehehe. not that i have any yet, but i’m psyching myself. hahaha! i agree that it should be a compromise, between the parents and the baby’s needs.
love your photos!